Another reason I brought up my wife in relation to all of this is because
she had been told by Scientologists at AOLA that New Era Dianetics for OTs
would cure he juvenile onset diabetes. In fact, this crazy lie had been told to
her repeatedly by various staff at AOLA, ASHO and CCLA, in an attempt to
give her a (false) hope that she could be cured of her illness.
In article <email@example.com>, firstname.lastname@example.org says...
>In article <email@example.com>, firstname.lastname@example.org (Bernie) wrote:
>> Ex-members with a
>> minimum of experience and honesty do not find it interesting to
>> stick around in this newsgroup. I guess that I am missing the
>> minimum of experience ;-)
>no, actually, they are too afraid to post. afraid of the repercussions
>from the cos, not the posters here. for example (and this is well
>documented): people with wives/husbands and children still in the cult
>will not post for fear of being declared and thus never being allowed to
>see their children again.
I can attest that what ef says is true. I have received emails from
many ex-Scientologists who read ars and comment privately on what
they have read. Often it is in response to a post I have written,
although not always.
From these numerous emails I have received, the most common reason
for ex-members' lack of posting is fear of reprisal from the cult.
And a majority of those have children or a spouse. Some are just
plain sick of the Scientology cult and want to get on with their
lives (in the "real world", so to speak), yet feel a need to read
ars for therapeutic reasons, to find an old friend, or out of a
The second most common reason for not posting is that the persons
have a friend or family member still in Scientology and do not wish
to cause their relationship to sour, which would certainly occur if
the Scientologist friend or family member were to become aware of
criticism of their group. After all, Scientologists in good standing
with the cult consider ars to be a suppressive group. This point was
made clear by an issue from Ron Chester, the TNX-L I/C, to all
What I find most interesting about ex-members is that they are, by
and large, MUCH more tolerant of differences in opinion they have
with active Scientologists than Scientologists are of "PTSes", "SPs"
and other labels the cult so quickly sticks on people (like "squirrel"
"disaffected", "fringe", "enemy", etc.) I am certain this tolerance
by ex-members of friends and family who are still in Scientology is
due to having been there themselves. They have been through it. They
have experienced the suppression of free speech, and know what it
*truly* means to be able to communicate on any subject.
I myself have a granddaughter who is in the cult. In fact I have
never been allowed to see her because of certain Scientologists
who know who and what I am (an "SP"). It breaks my heart but I do
still have hopes that one day she will be out and will see me for
who I am instead of some "evil being" that her cult labels me as.
For quite some time, my granddaughter's membership in the cult was
the reason I only lurked on ars (not posting). I also hoped (and
still do) that I would find some old friends, be able to get in
touch and trade stories. While I have found a few friends through
ars, there are still many, many people I am looking for. I suspect
that most of my friends who left the Sea Org do not have an
There are many people who have confided in me because they know I am
speaking from experience. They recognize the truth in what I say. I
have even received emails from Scientologists (active ones) telling
me that I have high integrity, that I have legitimate observations
regarding what I perceive as injustices, etc. within their cult.
Some have even confided in me that they are in a "condition of doubt"
with regards to Scientology, but are hanging in there with a "wait and
see attitude" at some point in the future (like one active member who
admitted he has not gotten the promised gains, but *still* wants to do
Ned for OTs level 7, saying *then* he will make a final decision).
As I have stated before, one of my purposes for being here is to expose
the lies perpetuated by Scientology management. Having been in the Sea
Org and therefore shut off from the media (newspapers and television)
and forbidden to read anything but Scientology approved books, I was
unable to read anything critical of Scientology.
After years in the Sea Org and seeing some staff members mysteriously
disappear, be "transferred" elsewhere, put into "ISO", declared "SP",
labelled as "R/Sers", "RPFed", etc., I slowly began to question things.
I realized all was not well in Scienoland. I took a very bold step (to
me at least) of purchasing L. Ron Hubbard: Messiah or Madman? by
Bent Corydon. I had led such a cult-controlled and suppressed existence
while in the Sea Org that I had never even realized Bent had been
declared. There had never been an "Ethics Order" posted or distributed
to staff in my org. Maybe there was one. I don't know. To this day I
have never seen an "EO" on Bent.
No matter now. The point is that after being out of the Sea Org, I
happened to see Bent's book. I had known Bent back when he was a
very successful Scientology "Mission holder". Naturally, since
Hubbard's own son had contributed to this book, and since I had known
Bent, I KNEW that I *had* to read the book. I figured, "Sometimes
you just have to say, 'What the Fuck'", to borrow one of Tom Cruise's
lines from "Risky Business". It was an eye-opener! Realize that at
that time (November 1987 as I recall) I was still VERY much under
Scientology's suppressive thumb. The organization STILL had control
over my actions. I was afraid of losing all my friends. It was very
much a matter of FEAR of punishment from Scientology that was
controlling my life.
This was also a very difficult time for me personally since my wife
had just died the month before as a result of the incompetence of
a certain doctor. My wife had been in a coma for 18 days with no
hope of ever coming out of it and leading a normal life again
because she had been mis-intubated while under general anesthesia.
She had been without any oxygen for at least 20-30 minutes, and it
had caused her to become brain-dead (anoxic encephalopathy). In
other words, she was in a vegetative state, on life support.
Needless to say, my life was turned upside down when I arrived
at the recovery room of the hospital expecting to see my wife
groggy from the effects of anesthesia. Instead, I was told that
a terrible thing had happened and that I could not see her right
away because she had been transferred to the emergency room.
After what seemed like the longest 30 minutes of my life, I was
allowed to see her. She was having seizures, violently and
uncontrollably thrashing around. My first words to her were "Honey,
it's me... Everything is going to be OK." Tears swelled up in her
eyes. I believe she recognized me at that moment, but a few minutes
later she fell into a coma where she remained for the next 18 days
until her death on November 21, 1987.
At this point I would like to say that I brought all this up for a
couple of reasons. First and most importantly, I owe a HUGE debt
to my deceased wife for helping me to overcome my fear of the cult.
She was a fighter, a free spirit, and always questioned everything.
She was my best friend for the 4 1/2 years we were married. It was
through her that I was able to get out from under the NUMBNESS I
had been in while a Scientologist.
To illustrate, I will mention the time I had been called into AOLA
around 1985 by the "ARC Break Registrar". My wife went with me that
day to make sure that Scientology didn't get my money. I remember
well being in the Div 6 office which was located in the northwest
corner of the building on the first floor. There were perhaps half
a dozen Sea Org staff there *all* doing their best to convince me
to pay off my "freeloader debt", to get an "ARCX session", a "Sec
Check", and to get back on the "Bridge". Carol Woodruff was there.
CeCe Prefontaine was there. Michael Silverman was there. Nicole
Sims was there. And a few other who I didn't recognize. It was
intense. For a couple of hours I sat there with my wife and listened
to EVERY argument, persuasion, technique, "double-team" effort and
whatever to "handle me".
Finally my wife stood up, and at the top of her voice, YELLED:
"***FUCK*** L. RON HUBBARD!!!"
The whole room fell completely silent. I was mortified! Surprisingly,
no one said anything to her!
But *she* just calmly said, "Come on. Let's go."
We walked out the door. The Sea Org staff just continued to sit
there *frozen* in their seats.
I was completely shocked. After all, I couldn't *believe* she had
said what she did. It still surprises me to this day, but I am
eternally grateful for breaking the spell that Scientology had on
Another reason I brought up my wife in relation to all of this is
because she had been told by Scientologists at AOLA that New Era
Dianetics for OTs would cure he juvenile onset diabetes. In fact,
this crazy lie had been told to her repeatedly by various staff
at AOLA, ASHO and CCLA, in an attempt to give her a (false) hope
that she could be cured of her illness. Even one of her acquain-
tances, Carrie Alkins (an FSM for AOLA), who also suffers from
type one (juvenile onset) diabetes told my wife that NOTs would
handle her diabetic condition.
My wife had been diagnosed as suffering from end stage renal
failure in September 1987. For several years my wife had placed
a false hope in Scientology's promises of a cure for her disease.
One of my upsets with Scientology is that the organization, through
it's staff, promotes FALSE "cures". I find this practice deplorable.
For me personally, I have NO doubt that had my wife spent her time
and money on a medical handling (like a kidney implant, insulin pump
and/or dialysis), she would very likely be alive today. Instead of
pursuing *realistic* options, she placed a desperate faith in
Scientology in hopes that she would be cured through Dianetics.
It took her about 4 or 5 years to realize that NOTs does NOT
handle a diseased pancreas. NOTs does NOT restore the ability of
the isle of Langerhans to produce insulin. So for me, Scientology
at least in part, contributed to her death.
Another reason I mention my wife's death is because I have seen
one of Scientology's "top trained auditors" administer an "assist"
on my wife while she was in a coma. I am not ashamed to admit
that in my emotional state, I was willing to try *anything* that
might help her. But looking back on it this now I realize that
nothing could have (nor did) help her out of her comatose state.
After the death of my wife, LOTS of things seemed unimportant to
me. I felt like my whole world was gone. Any one of you readers
who have experienced the loss of someone near and dear to you
know how it feels to deal with life afterwards.
Suddenly I was without her. Naturally I began to question WHY
such a tragedy had befallen my wife. What I have read in various
medical journals is that approximately 1 in 600,000 cases of
general anesthesia go wrong, resulting in a comatose patient. Of
course I wondered why the wheel had to stop on my wife's number.
Why was it her time to go? I prayed a lot, and I asked myself
that question probably a hundred thousand times. And I never
got an answer to it.
Some asinine Scientologists I knew were quick to evaluate that
my wife had "pulled it in", that "she wanted to die", "she wanted
to drop her body so she could get a *healthy* one". *Bullshit* I
say! I knew my wife well enough to know that she did NOT want to
leave this Earth yet. And I don't mind telling you that "wrong
indications" and "eval" like was laid on me regarding my wife's
"intentions" or "wishes" doesn't help a bit. In fact I found it to
be quite upsetting.
The above experiences greatly contributed to my decision to decide
to "risk" getting off "The Road to Freedom", the road paved with
dollar bills and FALSE promises. Maybe some horrible fate will come
to me as a result of stepping off the "Road To Freedom", for not
getting my "case handled" and "Being AT Risk". Yeah, right. I say
it is all bullshit.
Anything worthwhile that is embedded in Scientology can be found
elsewhere for free. The main thing Scientology does, as I see it,
is LIE to people. And BETRAY them. And promise FALSE cures. And
charge LOTS of MONEY to do it.
After my wife's death is when I bought Bent Corydon's book. I began
reading it as soon as I got home from work one day and I didn't put
it down until the next day near dawn when I finished. Now it so
happens that shortly after reading the book, a long-time friend
from my Sea Org days came by my house. This friend was a "minister"
in the cult of Scientology. He had left the Sea Org too, but was
still active and doing Scientology "services".
He happened to see the copy of my book, L. Ron Hubbard: Messiah or
Madman? and said: "*What* are you doing with this book?!? You *KNOW*
you are NOT supposed to read THIS!!!" I responded that it was my
right, that I knew Scientology forbid the reading of "entheta", but
that I was going to read it anyway because i wanted to see another
point of view. He was VERY VERY upset and left shortly afterwards.
That night while I was sleeping, one of my car windows was smashed
out and my stereo was stolen. I never did find out who did it, but
I suspect that it was my "motivator" for having committed the
*terrible* "crime" of reading a book critical of Scientology. ;-)
Warrior - Sunshine disinfects