I was sure that I was going to die. I took this accident as a sign that what
the execs at ASHO had been
telling me was true, and that I was "pulling in my motivator"...
[If you have previously read this post, if you like you may skip
ahead to the part that begins after the *****]
Warrior wrote on 26 May 1997:
I feel that the CoS does exert a mechanism of mind control on its' SO
members through the use of threats, intimidation, the implanting of
fear through various 'information' given. How and why people accept
Scientology's methods are not completely understood by me. Certainly I
have a better understanding now than I did 20 years ago when I first
tried to leave the SO.
By 1977 I had been in the Sea Org for 2 years. My wife at that time
was still not a Sea Org member, since she had been told 2 years before
that she had a "psych history". This determination by the Sea Org execs
at ASHO Day (namely the HCO Area Sec Jack Dirmann, the CO Irene Howey
and the Assistant Guardian Richard Deere) was based upon the fact that
my wife had been in the Beaumont Neurological Center for something like
11 days as a teenager.
Her mother had erroneously attributed her daughter's lethargy to
drug use and so had had her put into the facility for observation and
evaluation. The facility realized that the problem she was having was
due to hypoglycemia (abnormally low blood sugar levels) and had released
her after completing it's observation, testing and evaluation. Important
to note here is that my wife (now ex-wife) received *no* drugs, *no*
shock therapy, *no* hypnosis during her brief stay in the neurological
The SO was made aware of these facts, and indeed they had the
opportunity to verify my wife's story. Whether the SO execs ever did
bother to verify the information that had been given to them by my wife
I am uncertain, but surely they *could* have checked out the "patient
history" of my wife.
My wife, upon joining the Sea Org, had disclosed her brief stay in a
"psychiatric hospital" on a questionnaire given by the SO. This was the
basis upon which she had been classified as a "psych history case".
My wife *did* petition all the way to the Guardian World Wide Jane
Kember, but ultimately her petition to be allowed to "activate" her SO
contract was denied.
Instead she was given an auditing and training program to complete
prior to being allowed to join the SO. I have amongst my files of
material from my Sea Org days some of the correspondence on this matter.
I even have a letter from the Commodore's (L. Ron Hubbard) Staff
Guardian (CSG), Mary Sue Hubbard, which refers to my wife's petition and
her program for entry into the SO.
Getting back now...
Due to the fact that my wife had not been allowed to be in the SO, we
were not allowed to live together in Sea Org berthing, since there was a
shortage of space in the Hollywood Inn at 6724 Hollywood Blvd,Hollywood,
CA. This building is where most Pacific Area Command (PAC) SO members
berthed. Here I will say, that at the very beginning of our time during
our life in the Sea Org in LA, we were *briefly* (a few days) allowed to
stay in the Hollywood Inn.
This was accomplished by moving Tony Cifarelli *out* of his room
(over his loud protests). It was reasoned by the Berthing I/C that since
Tony's wife, Patty was at the Guardian Office World Wide in England on
an extended training "cycle" that Tony did not need a room all to
himself. So his belongings were moved out of his room to make room for
my wife, son and myself.
This berthing arrangement only lasted for a few days. Shortly after
that I was placed in a dorm with 8 other SO members (some of my
roommates included Tom Gonzales and Tom Black). My wife and son went to
live on N. Robinson Ave, which is just down the street (Temple Street)
about half a mile from where ASHO was at that time (2723 W Temple St.)
She lived in a house with Ruthie Weissberg, who was the Distribution
Secretary ASHO Day. Also living there was Ruthie's son, David and a
fellow named Ray Peck, who was an (SO) ASHO Fdn Letter Registrar Typist.
My wife worked various jobs during this time including working for
Metropolitan Adjustment Bureau (MAB), which was a credit collection
agency where lots of Scientologists worked, and she worked with a woman
named Penny Valente cleaning houses.
After a couple of years of being in the SO and my wife's *not* being
an SO member, I grew tired of the toll that the separation was taking on
my family members' lives. It was very stressful since I almost never saw
my wife and son. So after about 2 years I told the MAA that I wanted to
leave the Sea Org because my "2D" was suffering from a lack of "create".
(We didn't have a real family in reality, due to the fact that we
could't live together.)
As a result of my wanting to leave the SO, I naturally was ordered to
a "Sec Check". What I got was the HCO WW Form 1. As I recall I was
security checked approximately 2 hours per day for about 3-4 weeks. Some
days I didn't get into the "Sec Check" session due to my
"unsessionability" (from lack of sleep the night before), or due to the
auditor(s) being unavailable. I remember one of my auditors was a
student at ASHO named Armand Citarella. Another auditor I had was Jo
Plunkett (now Struthers, and now a Class XII C/S and OT 8). At the end
of approximately 40 hours of sec checking I *still* wanted to leave the
The truth is that I didn't have any "overts" on the group. And the
sec check didn't change the fact that my wife was *still* not being
allowed in the SO. So I still had the same problem.
But the fact is that Hubbard wrote a policy letter called "Leaving
and Leaves" in which he stated that "People leave because of their own
overts and withholds. That is the factual fact and the hardbound rule."
So naturally, everyone on the technical "lines" (posts, or positions)
_had_ to find out what "terrible things I had done". This just goes to
show the level of robotism when applying Hubbard's "tech".
Forget about the fact that I had a "continuing PTP" (present time
problem) of not being able to "mock up" a "2D". Forget about the fact
that the policy on "institutional cases with psych history" was being
mis-interpreted in my wife's case. Hubbard said that those who want to
leave have "overts and withholds".
It was during this time that I was wanting to leave the Sea Org that
I was given this very long "Sec Check". As I recall, it has about 230
questions on it, and deals with crimes committed in this lifetime as
well as in previous lives. I could be mistaken in my recollection about
the HCO WW Form 1 having this many questions. This form was not the only
one that was used.
One form I recall being used on me had been a hand-written "custom
made" sec check, apparently designed by one of ASHO Day's Case
Supervisors, probably either Barbara Rubio (Snr C/S and Class IX) or
Parran Dabney (Class VI C/S), and dealing with the subject of the "2D".
Another sec check I was given had to do with money. I answered the
questions honestly and thoroughly, since I had *nothing* to hide.
Several times the Sec Checker" (mostly Armand Citarella) demanded that
I "take another look" at (re-consider) the question. He demanded that I
*must not* be telling all that there was to be told in response to the
sec check questions.
Essentially what was happening is that I was getting *very* "ARCXen"
(upset) by the insistence that I wasn't coming clean. In reality, I was
being sec checked by a Briefing Course student who was making "GAEs"
(gross auditing errors) and who was committing Auditor's Code Violations
(although Scientology will say that the Auditor's Code does *not* apply
to sec checks).
I also remember being given an L1C ("List One Correction") and some
other garbage to clean up my upsets. But all in all, the whole ordeal
didn't handle my desire to leave the SO. After all the sec checking, I
still, of course, wanted to leave. I had figured that I had done my part
in co-operating. I had told everyone involved that my problem was that I
was not able to create a family life.
Yet, no one believed or would accept my reason for wanting to leave.
It was also during this time I was told by the S/C (Supercargo) ASHO
Day, Midshipman Alan Prager that I was an SP. And the Personnel
Enhancement Officer, Chief Petty Officer Peggy Peden told me I was
psychotic. Other Sea Org staff execs told me that should I leave that I
would "pull in" my death because I "knew" that I would be committing
a huge "overt" (sin) by leaving the group, the Sea Org.
In 1977, during this time of wanting to leave, I had been put into a
"lower condition" ("DOUBT"), also in accordance with L. Ron Hubbard's
ethics policies. As a condition of being placed in "DOUBT", I received
*NO PAY* for 17 weeks, which was the duration of my assignment of a
In addition, I was *still* ordered to be on post (naturally) and
working approximately 100 hours per week. I was beginning to really
"cave in" completely.
One Friday I was coming back to the ASHO from a trip downtown to the
bank where my senior, James Neil Chapman, and I had gone to pick up a
cash order for payroll, food and tours expenses. James, or Jim as we all
called him, had a big "chopper" motorcycle. Anyway, we were on the way
back to ASHO. I was sitting on the rear of the seat and holding onto a
big bag of money (about $20,000). We were headed westbound on 8th Street
(it was one-way west) and had stopped at a red light at the intersection
of Eighth and Alvarado Streets. When the light turned green,
to be continued...
Warrior - Sunshine disinfects
When the light turned green, Jim started off with his chopper without
looking both directions, since he assumed it was OK to go. I glanced
immediately to my left to see a car heading northbound towards us moving
about 30 to 35 miles per hour! The light had been red for her since
before she ever got into the intersection. At that instant I yelled
"Jim! Look out!"
It was too late. The car hit us on our left side, spinning the bike
around on it's rear wheel. Just as the car had been about to smash
into us, I had begun to get off the bike, by standing up on the leg
rest and moving away from the car (to my right). I was trying
instinctively to survive by going with, and away from the motion of
Several things went through my head at that instant in time. I was
sure that I was going to die. I took this accident as a sign that what
the execs at ASHO had been telling me was true, and that I was "pulling
in my motivator" (bad kharma). I decided that if I should survive, that
I would make amends to every person I had ever harmed during my life. In
that split instant between seeing a car about to hit us, and when it
actually did, I had my whole life flash before me - particularly
incidents involving times when I had sinned, whether it was a thing like
the candy bar I stole from a corner store when I was 4 years old, the
times I had been mean to my brothers, the times I had lied to my mother,
or whatever. My whole life flashed before me in an instant. I asked God
for forgiveness, promising to make up for and right any wrongs I had
ever done to others.
I am kind of at a loss for words even now, in trying to describe
the fear that ran through my mind at that time. I didn't want to die.
I knew I still had a purpose to serve on this Earth. As the car struck
Jim's bike, I was thrown about 20 feet away, landing head first on the
pavement with no helmet on, in the middle of Alvarado Street.
When I stood up, I was definitely in shock. I had blood all over
myself from the head injury I sustained. I had landed head first,
upside down! My glasses were *pushed* into the eye socket of my right
eye, cutting into my eye socket just above my eyeball. I was covered
with blood all over my front side. I thought I was dreaming at first.
Then I realized I was alive! I couldn't believe it!
Scientologists say "If it's true for you, it's true." I had decided
after this accident that I had better listen to what I had been told
by so many people at ASHO about what would happen to me if I tried to
leave the Sea Org. I thought they MUST have been right -- after all,
this horrible accident had nearly taken my life!
That's what made me stay in the Sea Org - fear... Fear that I would
DIE if I tried to leave. That day in July 1977 had "validated"
everything I had been told about what would happen to me if I tried to
leave the SO. All of a sudden, I "knew" they (the SO execs who had tried
to control me by lying and by using fear) were "right".
It wasn't until 6 years later that I finally left the Sea Org
forever! It has now been almost 14 years since I left the SO, and I
am pleased to say that I am much happier than I ever was in the Sea Org.
God bless you all...
Warrior - Sunshine disinfects